Despite as parents that you may think that you have your children’s best interest at heart and want them to succeed, oftentimes that may come with too much pressure on their children. It is also possible that as a parent your definition of success may not align with your child.
When putting extra pressure on your child it is important to take a step back and realize that they might have different goals than you have and that they are their own person. It’s especially easy to make this mistake when your child makes choices that you disagree with, such as who they choose to be friends with or who they date. It is also hard to handle seeing your child struggle socially or academically if that was not the case for you during your childhood. It is important to understand the difference between doing what is in your child’s best interest and doing what you believe is in your child’s best interest.
Moreover, the opinions of other parents can easily influence how you parent your kids and the pressure that you put on them, even if it is not on purpose. If you are constantly bringing up another child’s accomplishments and saying how impressive they are, without ever giving your own child recognition or encouragement, it will affect them. Unfortunately, doing so can be harmful to your relationship with your child and possibly lead to them having self-esteem issues.
Parental pressure is generally related to sports or academic performance. It can either be direct and involve yelling or commentary, or indirect by setting unrealistic or high expectations.
Decision as to what activities your children participate in is a question of parental authority which is something that both parents have whether you have the majority of parenting time for not. Children often join sports teams as an extracurricular activity from a young age. Pressure in youth athletics will undoubtedly affect the way the child views the sport. If they previously loved it and then their parent makes them take it too seriously, they could start to view it as a chore.
Furthermore, if a child is only playing a certain sport because it is what their parent wants them to do, they could end up resenting them for it. Therefore, it is important to be mindful of this and not project your own passions or ambitions onto your child.
It is difficult to navigate parenting when it comes to academic performance. On one hand, pressuring your kids to do well will detrimentally affect their mental health and on the other, you should not pretend that school does not matter. It can be very helpful for your child if you create an environment where they feel that they are supported so that their drive to succeed comes from their own personal ambitions. However, school is easier for some people than it is for others, and it is important to be conscious of that.
The situation gets even more complicated when two parents disagree on what a child should focus on. If you value education but your child’s other parent values sports, the child will be overwhelmed with pressure and most probably excel at neither. However, if they do thrive in that high-pressure environment, they likely feel that they must succeed in everything that they do in order to appease their parents. You should have a conversation with the other parent if you realize that you are both putting excessive pressure on your child. Acknowledging that you should both not set unrealistic expectations or put your child in constant high-pressure situations will be incredibly beneficial to their development. Like anything, everything in moderation is the answer. If your child is going to be enrolled in hockey, you have to ask yourself what is too much. If your child is in gymnastics or dance, ensure that the competition schedule does not put too much pressure. Check in with your child and how they feel. These high energy activities as fun as they are can also be exhausting. It is important that you and your co-parent are on the same page, you should be on the same team. In the unfortunate event where you do not agree with your child’s other parent, you can bring this matter to court in order for them to decide what they determine to be in your child’s best interest.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/04/23/learning-losses-academic-pressure-mental-health/
https://www.parents.com/the-dangers-of-putting-too-much-pressure-on-kids-1094823
https://psychcentral.com/lib/parental-pressure-and-kids-mental-health
https://www.parents.com/fun/sports/we-need-to-stop-pressuring-kids-to-be-the-best-at-their-sport/
https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/how-to-help-your-kids-perform-at-school-without-pressure/100308140
